Thai reflections*

After a sleepless night, I carried my red notebook and pencil around, all day today. Though ideas are invading my mind, words are failing to verbalize. I am not able to write. There is much going on inside… so many challenges, so many endeavors. The closest to balance I got is equivalent to the closeness of the sky to the sea; although you see them entwine, in the horizon, it is only an illusion; and so is my life’s balance – an illusion.

The past four months I have been living in my suitcase. I don’t want to grumble and say that I was not enjoying the action that was taking control over my everyday life – I loved it actually. But I think it is time to settle down again for a while; go back to the pleasant routine – with its trivial ups and downs, at least for a short while.

I have been dragging deadlines at work since forever. I’ve been procrastinating even in my personal life. So many friends I’ve been meaning to see, so many movies I’ve been meaning to catch, so many books I’ve been longing to read … I don’t know how time is flying by! When I think back about the past seven months, I feel as if I am watching a movie and have pressed the ‘fast forward’ button. Maybe I did achieve some triumphs, surely I have flunked many; but definitely I haven’t taken any time to absorb what is going on around me. Everything I am doing, I am doing in a rush.

Whatever happened to the afternoons I used to spend in my corner in the sun, just watching people passing by, or reading a book, or just sipping my coffee without thinking about the million things I have to be thinking about to get things moving? Whatever happened to my peace of mind, my stillness of emotions, my physical ease and carnal harmony?

I am tired … practically from everything and nothing.

I think it is about time to hit the ‘pause’, breathe, and then kick it off again. Yet this time, back to my normal pace of evolution.

Or has ‘fast forward’ become the only way ahead nowadays?