Silence*

I woke up this morning to the sound of silence

It is a beautiful sound to wake up to

That and the sound of another human's breathing

Too close to one's ear

While it rains outside.

I woke up this morning to the sound of silence

While inside my head the voices were talking to me still

Repeating words that once left your lips

Putting my mind in a kind of haze

Mobilizing all my senses

I could actually smell you, feel you  

I woke up this morning to the sound of silence

And my heart felt heavy with the void you left in me

When the memory of you is no longer enough to fill the blankness

What could I possibly do to quiet this loaded silence?

At that moment in time...

I open my eyes

My vision does not change

It's darker still

Darker than it was when I had my eyes shut

I close them again

"What have I become?" I think to myself

"You became what you were aiming for right from the start" I hear the voice saying

I open my eyes 

It's darker still

But it's a different kind of darkness

One I can smell, touch and taste

Darkness I can feel, entering through each and every pore of my skin

Filling me up 

Engulfing me

Soon enough, my insides are one with my surrounding 

My skin grows thinner 

Until it ceases to exist

I think to myself "what have I become?"

I crave for the voice that once left me petrified to answer me back

I silently scream begging to be heard

But my question although has left my mind

Never made it to my lips

And I lay there fighting with my own demons 

Alone

In the darkness that I have become

In a parallel existence

I still exist

Although I have become odorless

The same night my detached shadow deserted me

I strolled and strolled endlessly 

But I was going in circles ... And the shadow was nowhere to be seen

I still exist

Although I have become expressionless 

My lips sealed with a needle and a thread

My fingers glued to an invisible wall 

My brains, once scrambled, now dry

I still exist 

Although I have become colorless

And the dead skin around my extremities is pealing off on its own. Slowly. 

Even my skin has chosen to split with me

As I stand here and decay

I know that in your memory

I still exist

The weight of your void*

I search for your warmth 
Between the arms of strangers 
I look for you everywhere I go 
I crave the rush of adrenaline I get 
When I picture your ghost 
Strolling down empty streets 
I chase it 
The closest I get to it 
The more your face fades away 
Until I find myself facing nothingness 
Then, I turn my back and walk away 
Thinking about the weight of your void

I am not there yet.

Scattered racing thoughts Like scattered papers on my desk Roam between the fragments Of my scrambled brains Reality set off on a sprint I just saw her standing around the corner A couple of days ago What incited this spur? Why the rush? Reality is endless Immortal Why did she feel the urge to knock on my door right now? Why is she pulling my feet back down? Reality, give me a break I will come back to you unhurriedly When my dream fades away …

Morning inspiration*

In the depth of your stare I drift Then I shrink And disappear Into the pores of your skin I fly up to your brains Scrambled little brains I scrutinize Fascinated, I tremble And disappear again I wake up in my own bed On my own With your scent lingering in my nostrils And your shadows in my head And in my spirit, a hole Growing deeper… like my longing to you

My brainworm*

You are a walking novel
Or maybe a piece of poetry
Created by the gods
Just before the mind was able to give birth to an idea

You are a fairytale
That no one could decipher its ending

You are a rare piece of art
I was holding in my palms
That transformed from static to the living
When I whispered to it ‘you’re beautiful’

You are a concept in my mind
A complex bouquet of nerves
Clutching together in most strange of ways

A brainworm

Once developed into a butterfly
Will fly away and set my mind free

Till that day comes
In my head, good vibes you breed

A point in time.

On our little island
We disconnect
And time stands still
As our spirits become one

On our little island
We drift
And nothing seems to matter
Anymore

People come to life
Others go
Seasons change
But all remains the same

Untouched
Unchanged
On that little island
Our no man's land

Green*

Focus
Is one thing I lack
Ever since I colored the sun green

The grass turned yellow
The caves went all red

You stepped on the back of my neck
And made your way
Right into my head

Since then you are stuck
Since then I am stuck
In my own thoughts and fantasies

Even when you disappear
The sun remains green

See painting with a mind is irrevocable

A vision of the kitchen floor.

Let me run my fingers on your back
And carve my nails into your skin
Let me caress you, hold your breath
The trip is long
No rush, no rush
Let me tiptoe on the kitchen floor
Where you lie naked and drained
Even desire has left you
Let alone fame
Let me carve my nails deeper
Till drops of your blood appear
On pink clots formed on your skin
Your drops of blood taste like fresh apples
Maturing under sunlit summer trees
Your drops of blood
Running on the edge of your lips
So inviting, so inviting
Let me caress you, hold your breath
The trip is long
Too long
Too long

Sandstorm from within*

It is snowing sand today
Small golden flickers
Sparkling up with every sunray
That doesn’t reach the ground

Sand flickers absorb sunrays
Creating a new substance
That has an existence of its own

They are a contradiction
To everything natural
To everything real

It is snowing sand today
And the emotions in my head
Sparkling up with every sunray
That doesn’t reach my soul

Sand flickers absorb sunrays
Leaving my soul obscure and hollow
With an existence of its own

I am a contradiction
To everything real
To everything natural

It is snowing sand today

And I am no longer there.

(tran)scent*

I sent you a morning kiss

And evening has come
Without a trace of you
Or few pale traces …
Remaining in my mind
From a time spent high
On the scent of dawn
And that of your skin

I inhaled

And the scent was carved inside me
And the scent transformed
Into colorful threads
That keep lingering inside my mind
Way after our bodies split
The scent transcended
From thin air, it materialized
And became part of me

Inside, I can still feel you

On a present past.

There is a tiny noise in my head
It is coming from a long way

It is dead.

It is a collection of recollections
Bits and pieces of a past
Assembled in one spot in my mind

Bits and pieces of a present past
That have not spend enough time in my brain
To allow for their fermentation
And fragmentation into memories

Shall they become memories,
I would be able to visualize them
Draw pictures of an altered past
That puts on a new dress, in my head

Shall they become memories,
They would become part of me
They would experience the present
And get nostalgic and make me cry

But they are not memories

They are just a noise

A tiny noise

Tomorrow, it will go away

On feelings...unwanted.

Nothing good will come out of me

Until I am able to throw out
All the feelings I have inside

I want to see them coming out of my mouth
A rainbow of colors
I want to see them splashing on the floor under me
I want to be able to step on them and walk away

I want them to evaporate under the desert’s hot sun
I want them to sink into the sponge-like sand below

I just want them to disappear
With no evidence whatsoever that they even existed

Loneliness does all sorts of things to the brain
Wicked images are normalized
Sick thoughts become only natural

Anything to fill in the hole inside
Just anything could do
Even the sight of a stranger’s smile
Warming up … Seconds before it dies

Loneliness does all sorts of things to the brain

Dismantled reflections_on Mauritania*

On this land

Time has no value
Everything moves slowly
Even the grains of sand
Transported by the wind
From one dune to another

On this land
Dreams are weird
And they get weirder by the day
Dreams of mattresses, empty rooms
And fictitious characters
Coming to life, slowly

On this land
Misery creeps out slowly
To embrace you with its dark shadow
You cannot avoid the vibes of misery
But you can look at it from behind a lens
Everything looks beautiful behind a lens.

Life happens.

One night you are here
In the middle of it all
The buzz
The night

The night life

The light
The crowds
Adrenaline

Rush

Ecstasy

The excessive flow
Of feelings
Rushing
Pushing down your throat

One night you are here
In life
In the midst of it

The crowds suffocate you
Life suffocates you
With its excesses and magnitude

And
Then
Just
Stillness

And you wonder
Whether it is the ability to breathe
That dictates
A life