On feelings...unwanted.

Nothing good will come out of me

Until I am able to throw out
All the feelings I have inside

I want to see them coming out of my mouth
A rainbow of colors
I want to see them splashing on the floor under me
I want to be able to step on them and walk away

I want them to evaporate under the desert’s hot sun
I want them to sink into the sponge-like sand below

I just want them to disappear
With no evidence whatsoever that they even existed

Loneliness does all sorts of things to the brain
Wicked images are normalized
Sick thoughts become only natural

Anything to fill in the hole inside
Just anything could do
Even the sight of a stranger’s smile
Warming up … Seconds before it dies

Loneliness does all sorts of things to the brain

Dismantled reflections_on Mauritania*

On this land

Time has no value
Everything moves slowly
Even the grains of sand
Transported by the wind
From one dune to another

On this land
Dreams are weird
And they get weirder by the day
Dreams of mattresses, empty rooms
And fictitious characters
Coming to life, slowly

On this land
Misery creeps out slowly
To embrace you with its dark shadow
You cannot avoid the vibes of misery
But you can look at it from behind a lens
Everything looks beautiful behind a lens.

Life happens.

One night you are here
In the middle of it all
The buzz
The night

The night life

The light
The crowds
Adrenaline

Rush

Ecstasy

The excessive flow
Of feelings
Rushing
Pushing down your throat

One night you are here
In life
In the midst of it

The crowds suffocate you
Life suffocates you
With its excesses and magnitude

And
Then
Just
Stillness

And you wonder
Whether it is the ability to breathe
That dictates
A life

A matter of perspective

Bangkok skies, Dec 2011

Fixation on memory making*

As we obsess about making memories
We forget about living the moment

We see significantly important instants of our lives
Through lenses of smart phones and photo cams

We watch life passing by

We want to eternalize fragments of our mortal lives
We want to show them off, as a proof of their existence
As a proof of our existence

As we obsess about making memories
Our present becomes past

Moment after moment, years pass by
As we reflect back and remember
There is a sadness that grows inside
A sadness, not caused by a nostalgia to time that flew by
But to a time spent un-lived

Bangkok sky, December 2011

On a clear perplexity

You do not have to be here
When the lack of your presence
Is not equivalent to your absence

You do not have to make promises
When every word your lips utter
Is an eternal promise carved on my eternal soul

You do not have to make up excuses
When you know that I can see through you
And that with a smile I embrace all your lies

You do not have to even speak to me
When your silence speaks much louder than your words
And way straighter to my heart

'intimacy affair'

A new concept that refers to the new trend of effective and efficient relationships for independent working women.

It is an affair - hence the secrecy. Even if it wasn't a complete secret; it is not as if women will walk around talking about it.

It is not love - hence not a 'love affair'

It is more than just sex

It is 'intimacy'

It is seeking moments of intimacy - when one can get personal with the other ... sharing their private natures with no strings attached. It is being able to be one's self in such small moments in time. It is this indescribable closeness that comes at the right dose to ease off everything else going on in the world. That small particular degree of disconnection that leaves you feeling as if there is nothing more you could ask for. Just, intimacy.

Random existential rambling

Her: I need higher ceilings
Him: are you mixing your pills again?
Her: did it end?
Him: how could it end since it never started?
Her: I thought I saw a red balloon behind that cloud
Him: it was a fish flying. Stop hallucinating.
Her: I saw you holding it. The thread was long
Him: I was holding a toothpick between my fingers
Her: Saturn is getting closer
Him: it's not Saturn. It is a red balloon. And you are holding it
Her: so it did start
Him: shut up. I like you better when you're a fish
Her: the fish doesn't think. The fish is mute. Expressionless
Him: Saturn is getting closer
Her: I must swim away

Random

Her: "I need higher ceilings"
Him: "Did you mix your pills again?"

Habits*

I am a creature of habit
And I move in circles around you
I will admit there's a pattern
One I created myself

None of my lovers dared leave me
I grew impatient and stale
Didn't look back once I'd left them
Cause I always expected to fail

But this time it's different
The rules don't apply
But I need some distance to step out of line

So grant me this wish and meet me back here in a year
If we still exist, I can let go of my fear
Fear of normalcy
Fear of the solid walls of our future and let go of my past

I must be crazy to want this
Cause you are the girl of my dreams
But I'm prone to ruin the good things
Cautious 'round balance it seems

*Lyrics of Maria Mena song - Habits