Deteriorated fragments of a noise in my head

I have two legs
That could take me
Anywhere in the world
But I don’t have the strength
Nor the grit
To move away and move on

I am not asking you
To change your life
I over reacted
In a moment of impulse
No, I would never ask you
To change your life
I am only wishing
To be part of it

Seeking lightness we embrace a new weight.

We all have a baggage to carry
A heavy, invisible baggage
Stuck to our skin
Stacked on our shoulders
Containing all the hard time
We passed through during the day
Our low moments and disappointments
Our worries and distress

We all have our loads and burdens
The dark thoughts that haunt our minds
The obstacles that keep staking before us
In moments we can’t help but renounce

But it all comes down to a single instant
To a single person
That friend you haven’t seen in ages
That relative you find nothing in common with
That lover whom you think is too preoccupied
Fetching his own way through his own mind load
It all comes down to that single moment
You meet that person
And lay down your baggage on their shoulders
Whether through a shocking statement
A shout, a sigh or a tear …
And then you turn your back to each other
And each of you, heavy with a new burden now
The burden of the other
Goes on to sail again
In the profound ocean of everyday life
Where each day, brings its new weight

Revocation_

When I disappear into thin air
Do not bemoan me
I will still be around you
Watching you
Through the clouds, raindrops and sun rays
Perhaps from that perspective
I can be around you more
Much more than I am at the present
Perhaps then, I would get to examine you
Comprehend you
Unveil all the mysteries
That I spent nights trying to decipher
Little by little, one clue after another
Maybe from that perspective
I would someday be able to say
That I got to know you

The nights after*

I despise my empty bed
For it is forlorn and dry
It lacks the sound and feel
Of your breath on my skin
It lacks the warmth of your soul
Silently wrapped around me
Caressing me softly
Carrying me gently
On a trip to the lands of dreams

My bed is devoid of your words
Your nocturnal thoughts
And sighs
I sit in it for hours
Trying to catch the rhythm of a song
We once listened to
Trying to visualize you next to me
Pulling together
Threads of our common imagination
Stitching for me fragments of a story
Of a never ending spark
The flickers of which
Are too young to die

It is raining tonight
And the rain only feeds my imagination more
And I can actually see you next to me
Or is it that I sank into the eternal dream
Where imagination and reality
Are dressed in the same flesh?
I am hallucinating
And in my unworldly sleep
You are.

me, you and our space hole.

People are up and awake
Since early morning hours
The sun will shine soon
Yet their voices and noises
Have preceded it, long ago
Everyone has something to do
Somewhere to go
A bread to earn
A duty to pay
And I sit here in my hole
With one idea lingering in my mind
One concept, one desire
That puts me in a mindset
I am not willing to let go of
A silly smile on my face
Dreamy eyes and pensive stare
And I no longer hear
People’s voices
And their busy lives’ noises
I am here in my space hole
And you are here with me too

There is a place for people like us*

The little girl
Has a long way to go
There is a rainbow at the end
Life in all its colors
But the path as she sees it
Is dark and slippery
At times she’ll lose her way
At times she’ll go astray
Mistaking pebbles for strawberries
And thorns for rays of light
But in the mist of dark
Her heartbeats will lead her
The little girl
Has a long way to go
Maybe by the time she reaches the rainbow
Her soul would have become
Tainted with the dirt of the road
Wrecked with the lingering torment
Broken and old
Would she still find her once young spirit
Inside
When her body has endured
The reckless journey
With the hope of finding the rainbow?
How much can the skin endure?
How far would the spirit go
To keep itself
Young, untamed and white?

Kayan*

We can sit there for hours
In our favorite bar
The hub of people like us
Sipping our wine
Smoking our lungs off
Observing other people
Their gestures and how they dress
Observing and analyzing
Thinking that we know it all
Thinking that we are, at it, the best
Observing and criticizing
Yet failing to see ourselves
Our gaps and misfortunes
Our inabilities and imperfections
During moments
We are god
And god is us
Watching and waiting
To make his move
But that move is what we miss

*Kayan is the name of the bar. It is the Arabic for "being".

there is only one sun*

From the inside_

One word can lift me up
One word can throw me down
My need for attention
Is beyond any need
Experienced by any human being
The amount of emotions
Under my skin is massive
Emotions flow like a river
That has no dry season
Time stands still
Day and night merge
And my longing continues
My craving unleashed
I feel a little too much of everything
I need a little too much of everything
Can I ever be satisfied?

10 minutes phase*

If I scratch my skin
Deeper
Maybe something
Will come out of it
Maybe something
Will come out of me
And I will stop
Feeling low about
Myself
I will stop
Detesting my state
Of being
When this bundle
Of tissues
Covering my body
Does not feel
My own
Anymore
What else will do?

*title by injourisousitems

Never too close*

He was slow speeding
His body to reach mine
Crawling, face down
Thoughts up high
Just to touch me
To feel my skin
I was lying next to him
Yet, so much efforts was put
For his hand to reach me
I was out of energy
Out of words to guide him
Through my curves
I lost my sense of direction
Long ago
And he failed to use his
All the efforts tired him
He fell asleep
Right under my arm
Head on my pillow
And I was lying there
Eyes wide open
Wishing I could watch his dreams
Maybe in his dreams
He was actually touching me

The dark circles around my eyes

It is my fourth sleepless night
Uninterruptedly
My mind does not seem to be able
To respond to the call of my weary body
My body in its turn is not reacting
To the substance sent from my mind
Inciting it to sleep

The link between the two must have faded away

And I, I feel trapped under a skin
All night long
A skin that does not seem to be my own
I could control it, should it be my own, couldn’t I?

The circles around my eyes are growing wider
With each new morning
And I try to conceal them, to deny their existence

But it is nothing seeing these circles
The burden is their weight on the mind,
Even after being concealed,

The burden is the thought of another sleepless night