Thursday, 9 July 2009

a blue confession.

I have a confession to make.

I did get your attention with my first sentence, didn’t I?

It is interesting how we humans can turn the silliest statement into the most valuable just by labeling it a “confession”.

Anyhow, this is not what I am intending to write about. What I will write about is something silly and not so interesting for most people. But you know when you have this urge to say what is going on inside that sick mind? You know when you HAVE to let things out before they explode inside and reach the outside undisguised – pure sick human emotions thrown down on your created pink world idealized and protected by the people around you?

Ok I am off limits again. I should write about my confession instead of blabbering around analyzing the natural and the concrete.

So, my first thoughts about this confession occurred last night; while I was having a drink with some friends.

It occurred to me then, that I am an extremely fastidious person. The threshold of my sense of satisfaction is too high; I cannot even see it anymore. Now this could be treated both positively and negatively. It could mean that I will not settle for less than my ideals, but it also means that I might end up shoving my ideals up my ass when I am eighty-four, in my corner, alone and still philosophizing and being my arrogant self around people I supposedly care about.

Maybe I will change, mature. Maybe my brain cells will mutate and start to accommodate the feeble minds. Maybe it is only my perception, that this phase I am going through determines who I am. But in reality it doesn’t. It is just a phase – like any other phase. Maybe it is my extended adolescence. Or is it all in my head?


Kepler said...

maybe i was being an ass everytime i asked u what's wrong with u.. i even got slapped in the face by a friend who told me to stop doing so. but i didn't care. coz i know that something's hidden behind ur fake smile. and i really miss the old days when i first met u and u had ur natural happy smile. i just want to wake u up. u don't belong to this world ur currently living in in ur head. i don't want you to change. i want u back. those colors u use to paint with, just made u the angel u claim to be.
its all in ur head. its not a phase, not a period. its you. u made the decisions and they became ur reality.
its been over a month now. just how long can u still handle it. when r u going to make ur next decision?
u don't belong there.
come back.
wake up!

Your friend,

(remember, every night, when silence speaks, someone will be watching)

shefeels said...