On memories and dreams*

I refuse to live in the memories
Of a dream that was once a concept,
Came true and then faded away

I refuse to live in recollection
Of moments in black and white

I want to live, in the real world
And have room for more dreams
And more colors

The hitchhiking game*

I started mourning you way before you died
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so public about it
So recklessly articulate

I started mourning you way before you died
Maybe it was me out there, handing you the rope
Making way for you to commit suicide

I should have known that your death
Was not your own end
But it was the death of something we shared

Yet after death,
The game we used to play still goes on
Regardless of our fingers becoming numb
And not toying with the strings anymore
Regardless of the empty stage and the curtains falling down

The game has a mind of its own
Irrespective of you or I

Kafka Tamura*

Kafka Tamura forgot about
The cabin in the woods
The minute he let his senses
Succumb to the urban noise

Was it really a product of his imagination?
Or did he really spend three days in solitude?

Is this what happens when you wake up from a waking dream?
You lose touch with it, forget it, and live on, the urban legend?
Wasting time, craving for the flashbacks of the dream
To resurrect, only in your mind?

winter

Seeing the gloomy weather
This afternoon
I was just thinking
How I am afraid of the first raindrops
Because they remind me of you
How terrified I am at the thought
Of winter coming back
Without you here and around

And the rain started

A huge smile on my face
Hides the thoughts
That are tearing me from the inside

I do not want to go out
I do not want to smell
The wet soil

I just want to be
On my own
In my mind
Where together we are
Only in a different time

I never thought I would wait for the sun
To shake the thoughts of you apart

Of space and time*

I open my eyes to see that I exist in a space we once shared
Only it is a different time

I amass the debris of our night here
I hear the echoes of conversations we had
I can see you walking around inside these yellow walls
Your gaze not leaving my body

Decaying memories are coming back to life
And the feeling I get, in my stomach
Is the same one I once had, not an inch different

Your voice is in the back of my head
Your scent is invading my nostrils
I can even feel your arms around me
As we once laid down on a bed
Forgetting about the world outside

We created our own existence
Between these walls

It was a single night, yet the memory of which still plagues my mind
It was an eternity
Only it was only in our minds

I am questioning the reality of that moment
And other similar moments
I am having flashbacks of tremendous emotions

In your mind, do I still exist?

After decay

I am down the hole again
The darkness is eating me
The thoughts crawling in my mind
And the scorpions on my skin

Your shadows are here too
They never left, your shadows

There was a dim light before
Coming from somewhere above
Where did this light go?
I haven't noticed it's gone...

It is sad, living in a hole

And the scorpions,
Why wouldn't they just eat me
And let my soul come out of the pores in my skin
And meet your shadows
I don't care if both stay in the hole
They stay together

If your body couldn't handle mine,
Would your shadows handle my soul?

Between the skyline and the ocean*

She is feeling poetic
She got the urge to write
To get the thoughts out of her system
To scream
But it is not happening

Him: Go on. Disconnect. No sweet dreams for you
Her: Not needed. I’ve had my share for the day. You know me. Between a daydream and a daydream … I daydream. It is a continuous trip in my dreamyard.

Him: Until you take me there, these words are only words to me. Once spoken, they vanish into thin air … as if, they never even existed!
Her: Well, you have to fetch your own thorns. That is how it works. It is not about me taking you anywhere … it is about you feeling the urge to go!

Him: But I cannot learn to fly alone when I have been walking my entire life.
Her: Come to think about it … You do not want to go there. It is a dead end. Reality seems too boring afterward … I cannot guarantee you will be back the same.

Him: I do not like to fall
Her: Then it is useless to try. The fall is part of the trip.

Pause

Her: You triggered me to write!
Him: Then go ahead and do it!

Her: I am not able to … I need substance
Him: Reach into your mind and take a handful … I am sure there is plenty there!

Her: But my mind … it is blocked. Dark. Drained. I do not envy me anymore. The colors are gone.
Him: Shhhh

Her: Can I translate our conversation in a post?

Abstract

Tomorrow, when I swallow the sun
I am going to take a dip in the sky

iDream.

And I heard her saying:
“It is my time to daydream now …
I will take a trip into blank space
Collect stars
And pour them into my cup of coffee
Drink them fast
And get high on stars and coffee …

So high

Until I find myself in blank space again
Collecting stars
And pouring them into my cup of coffee
And getting high in my dream

And so on

Until the sun sets
And I am a free soul again”

[the hole in me. that cannot sleep.]